“RJ is a newspaper columnist whose humor column, "Pogi from a Parallel Universe" comes out every Wednesday in the For Men section of the Philippine Star, the Editor-in-Chief of UNO Magazine, a seasoned television, events and weddings/debut host and actor."
In celebration of the 23rd anniversary of the People Power Revolution, let us talk about nude talent management.
I am not a nude talent manager. It was not a career option that was available during those college job fairs. Nude talent management has been an elusive career goal of mine, and it a career that my wife will only permit me to engage in once I have been castrated. In the meantime, I still plan to pay my dues in front of the canvass exposing my grossly disproportionate anatomical parts until I become the first president of the Nude Male Model Union of the Philippines (NuMMUP). And when we nude male models become a potent enough force, I plan to become their first party-list representative.
But before exposing my posterior for posterity, I wanted to make sure my posterior was drawn only by the best artists in the country. So I sought out a man who is an urban legend in the nude male modeling industry. He is a man who is most wanted by visual artists, a man who is wanted by Seiko films and a man who is wanted by local law enforcement. This is a man whose name is only whispered, because if you say his name out aloud, you may be arrested. He is the man known in artists circles as Jonski (who goes by the honorific ‘Kuya’ or, for those who know him more intimately, ‘Koya’.
TRULY FORTU-NUDE
RJ (a.k.a. Maghuhubad) So Kuya Jonski, if I may be privileged enough to call you that, I understand that you provided several female models for this nude painting and sketching session. Does this mean that you are an, ehem, professional nude talent manager? They never offered that course when I was in college.
Kuya Jonski (a.k.a. Nagpapahubad) Actually, I’m an administrator for a hospital.
Yes, yes! I hear it’s easy to get a lot of nude people to audition for you if you know how to play doctor.
But I am also an artist as well.
So, how did you come up with the good misfortune of becoming somebody who supplied nude male and female models for artists?
We’ve had this artists group since 1992 and, before, we were always trying to look for nude models. Then, in 2000, there were people who were already coming up to me asking, “Koya, can we model for you?” So I said I had to look at them first to see if they were ok.
Excuse me, Kuya? You – cough, cough,– you ‘look’ at them, eh? I didn’t realize you had such a penetrating gaze. I feel like I should’ve worn an extra pair of underwear.
I tried out some of these models, and my artists group ended up liking them. Then, by word of mouth, the news spread that Jonski has nude models whom he manages, and maybe you would like to apply with him. In fact, I wasn’t the one looking for nude models, they would come looking for me.
That is a truly inspiring story Kuya.
Well, I guess that my nude models told their other friends about it. ‘Hey, you can make some good money in nude modeling!’
Wow, you mean you can make money from nude modeling!? For me kasi, having people stare at me nude without throwing up is enough compensation for me.
Imagine this: for three hours work of nude modeling, you earn three thousand pesos! Meanwhile, some people struggle for eight hours in an office and just make about eight hundred pesos.
No wonder models do it for art’s sake. Ang yaman pala ni Art.
BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF KUYA JONSKI
Because I would one day like to write your biography, how do you ‘audition’ people to know that they will make passable nude models? And do you need anybody to apprentice with you?
For some who want to be models, there’s a test shoot. For others, there is no need for a test shoot. Because, even if they are wearing clothes, kilala ko na yung kargada ng kanilang katawan. After more than a decade of painting nude figures, I can already tell what will make for a beautiful body. Even if they are wearing clothes.
You have a gift. Please let me know what type of radioactive isotopes we can expose ourselves to so that we can gain your gift.
Then there are some models who I don’t really know. They are just referrals lang. So, you never know, when they expose themselves to you, ayan, panget. I don’t represent them.
Uhm, can I take back my photos I gave to you earlier? I don’t think the lighting was too good. Kuya, what technique do you use to make potential models to disrobe in front of you? Do you use hypnosis?
Do you use neuro-linguistic programming? Do you use begging and pleading?
Wala naman. They just go to my place, then I do some test shoots. And if I think that they’re good enough, then I will schedule him for a session. I just tell the models to let me know if the schedule conflicts with their workOr I also don’t want them to miss their classes. You see, most of my nude models are students.
Of course, of course. We wouldn’t want them to miss out on their Alegbra classes.
MATH-TINIK
Kuya, can you actually make a career out of nude modeling?
Probably, after retiring from work.
After retiring from work!? By that time, kulubot kulubot na yung mga models mo! Probably, after five more years in the hospital. Then I plan to go into it full-time.
Kuya Jonski, you (shudder) You plan to go full-time into nude modeling?
No, I can finally focus on being a visual artist.
Oh! You mean you would like to make nude talent management your full-time profession. Now I get you. Whew. For a while there, I thought I would have to practice the penetrating gaze on you.
I can be a full time artist then continue to do talent management on the side. My artist-friends already know that I am the source for nude models. Right now, when artists groups need a model, they contact me because they know I have a wide network.
So you are like the one-stop shop for hubad.
Especially if they want quality models. Na hindi sila lugi.
Rest assured, Kuya Jonski, ‘di sila lugi sa akin. (RJ mumbles: Yaya, ‘wag ka nang humirit. Yaya: (gingerly covers her mouth) Hihihi)
Because there are other models whom you can also get from, alam mo na, bars. You know, these models na madaling pakiusapan.
Can you kindly give me a listing of those clubs, Kuya? Purely for research purposes.
But for me, I don’t do that. I prefer students.
Kuya, Vladmir Nabokov must love you. I think one of my DOM readers just had a heart attack.
Well, some of them are even children of my co-workers.
What do you look for in your models, aside from the required body parts? Do you look at skin color? Shaved armpits? Symmetrical breasts?
When it comes to skin color, I am not too particular. There are some artists who want mestizas, there are other artists who want morenas. But when it comes to height, I would prefer women who are about 5’4” and taller. If the models are below 5’2”, hindi na maganda ang sukat eh.
I see, so your nude models also have to be good pala with their geometry.
CAN I HAVE FRIES WITH THAT?
Kuya, do you plan to start franchising soon? I have many friends who would like to go into business with you once they are out on parole.
Actually, one of my models recently did a print ad for a computer equipment store. And I was quite surprised to find in the credits ‘Jonski’s Modeling Agency’. I said to myself, ‘Aba, I already have a modeling agency!’ (Laughs). But who knows, I may formalize it one day as some sort of a business. But catering more for the artists.
Yes, of course of course. I’m sure the artists would love to be catered by nude female models. Is it easy to hire a nude model? Can we just give you a ring and say, ‘Kuya Jonski, I’d like a 5’7” 38-26-34 morena at 7pm please? At kung pwede, i-supersize mo.’
Some of my clients prefer to have one-on-one sessions at their homes. Because there are some artists who are more comfortable working by themselves, they get distracted if there are other artists around them. But I never send my models by themselves, I am always there with them. The models are safe with me.
And there were some DOMs naman who were about to start painting lessons. Kuya, we come to the most important question of this interview that nobody demanded I ask: Will I make a good nude model? Penetrate me with your gaze and tell me what you see.
The way that I look at you, pwede. You don’t have a belly, so that’s ok. And your corporeal structure, ayos.
Wow, I’m so flattered, I didn’t even know that I had a corporeal structure. So posing nude will help augment my income? Does that mean I don’t have to perform anymore in Quezon Avenue?
Well, somehow. You know, I enjoy my work. Not only because my models are earning money, but also because I am able to meet the requests of my clients and fellow artists.
We enjoy your work too, Kuya. Based on your experience, do you have certain requirements for the physique? For example, do you have to be muscle-bound? My wife tells me that I’m built like Diether Ocampo before he stated lifting weights.
Physique is not a problem. There are some models who are very muscular, while there are some who are not. What is important with the models is the symmetry of the body that conforms to the tastes of the artists.
Naku, I don’t think you’ll find many men with symmetrical forearms then.
But lately, the tastes of the artist have started to change gradually. Some of the artists have gotten tired with the sexy models. They are now looking for forty years, fifty years old, a bit on the chubby side. Like in the States.
Yaya: Koya, ito po yung ritrato ko. Gusto mong ng dedicashuuun?
Awa ng Diyos, yaya..